Coffee

Coffee is like that ex that texts when you are at your absolute worst. They start telling you that you were the best thing that ever happened to them, get you feeling great about yourself, and then about an hour later, your heart is palpitating, you're agitated as all hell, every noise makes you jump, you've taken a gigantic shit, you yell at inanimate objects because you're so cranky, and all you want is the nap you were going to take before they texted.

And you love every moment of it.

That's coffee. And my needy, insecure ass wants her all day, every day, until we're so sick of each other we are driven to absolute breakdown.

Handcrafted

We've come to such a standardized, rote, factory-driven spot in society, that to make something stand out as unique, we now call it "handcrafted." It brings about the image of a craftsman, instead of a machine, someone getting in there, knuckles white, sweat on the brow.

But do you really want that when it comes to food? Handcrafted Coffee. Handcrafted Burgers. I've gone through my entire life trying to keep food out of my mouth that people have put their hands on. Now I need to pay extra for handcrafted food, food that people have specifically put their hands on for an upcharge. It's just come full circle.