a letter to a friend
Jan. 18th, 2019 06:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jesse_dylanSubj: ADHD
I went to my new therapist today since I'm on Medicaid and can "afford" her now. I may only be on Medicaid briefly, so I'm going to milk it while I can. No other insurance will support me getting the help I need.
It's nice to finally go to someone more qualified than myself, lololololol. I think she will work out better for me than anyone else has, which isn't saying a lot, but I have some hope. It's great to go to an actual psychotherapist instead of a time-limited social worker or something.
Oddly enough, she reckons I probably have ADHD. I guess this is no surprise to anyone whom has ever had a conversation with me where I was able to express my thoughts genuinely, or to anyone whom has received an e-mail from me... or spoken to me on a chat thingy... or text messages... or played a game with me...
...
I am not a stereotypical presenter since I'm quiet and generally keep my chaotic mental state to myself, so probably no one ever noticed. But a "mind forever voyaging" is a double-edged sword and has become more so the older I've gotten (another atypical presenting).
I'm getting tested on Valentine's Day (unless something opens sooner). I don't know what will be done from there. The medication is "as needed," so I could theoretically fill the prescription and just take it very sparingly, like when I am having an anxiety breakdown or existential crisis.
I tried out A's Vyvanse or whatever it's called back in the day (assuming it's the same prescription, but it would be something similar either way); all my anxiety was gone, and I was laser focused and felt like I could take on the world. Instead of my thoughts being everywhere at once examining all possibilities, they were directed full blast at one thing at a time. I felt like some kind of genius.
But, anytime I feel like I can take on the world, I feel a little skeptical. I figured maybe it has that effect on everyone, like heroin or something.
I took it once to try it out, and then A gave me a dose to take in the event M broke up with me. And, when she did, I took it the following morning to get myself through the day, and it certainly did that.
I think if I could take it every day, I could lead a "normal" life in society (not that I necessarily want that). I don't know that I want to take it very frequently. I worry it will have long-term side-effects (but... maybe it would be worth it).
Well, I'm getting ahead of myself, because I might not even get diagnosed with it, but this e-mail is sort of proof of the symptoms at least.
I went to my new therapist today since I'm on Medicaid and can "afford" her now. I may only be on Medicaid briefly, so I'm going to milk it while I can. No other insurance will support me getting the help I need.
It's nice to finally go to someone more qualified than myself, lololololol. I think she will work out better for me than anyone else has, which isn't saying a lot, but I have some hope. It's great to go to an actual psychotherapist instead of a time-limited social worker or something.
Oddly enough, she reckons I probably have ADHD. I guess this is no surprise to anyone whom has ever had a conversation with me where I was able to express my thoughts genuinely, or to anyone whom has received an e-mail from me... or spoken to me on a chat thingy... or text messages... or played a game with me...
...
I am not a stereotypical presenter since I'm quiet and generally keep my chaotic mental state to myself, so probably no one ever noticed. But a "mind forever voyaging" is a double-edged sword and has become more so the older I've gotten (another atypical presenting).
I'm getting tested on Valentine's Day (unless something opens sooner). I don't know what will be done from there. The medication is "as needed," so I could theoretically fill the prescription and just take it very sparingly, like when I am having an anxiety breakdown or existential crisis.
I tried out A's Vyvanse or whatever it's called back in the day (assuming it's the same prescription, but it would be something similar either way); all my anxiety was gone, and I was laser focused and felt like I could take on the world. Instead of my thoughts being everywhere at once examining all possibilities, they were directed full blast at one thing at a time. I felt like some kind of genius.
But, anytime I feel like I can take on the world, I feel a little skeptical. I figured maybe it has that effect on everyone, like heroin or something.
I took it once to try it out, and then A gave me a dose to take in the event M broke up with me. And, when she did, I took it the following morning to get myself through the day, and it certainly did that.
I think if I could take it every day, I could lead a "normal" life in society (not that I necessarily want that). I don't know that I want to take it very frequently. I worry it will have long-term side-effects (but... maybe it would be worth it).
Well, I'm getting ahead of myself, because I might not even get diagnosed with it, but this e-mail is sort of proof of the symptoms at least.