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jesse_dylanToday would have marked 6 years since I told her that I was in love with her, and she was so happy she cried and stayed up all night (or at least that's my romantic version of the story). Actually, it still marks 6 years.
We knew each other before that, and before we even knew each other, she said she was "stalking" me on Livejournal and maybe elsewhere. (I liked that.)
I always wondered, if it hadn't been me, maybe it would have been some other internet person she fell in love with.
But, it's all gone now. I wonder if May 1 will always have meaning to me or if someday I won't think about it.
I don't know if it's because of the timing, because of our student who has passed away, or what, but this weekend has been really difficult for me. I think about her so much, miss her so much. Sometimes I think I'm getting better, but then I have to wonder.
I guess 6 years from now, it will have been 6 years since she left me. I'll be 41. 41. 6 years together, 6 years apart, 12 years total... that's what it will be, May 2023. And I'll be 41. In 2011 we fell in love, and I was 29.
I hope I can look back on now, on then, pat myself on the head metaphorically. I hope things are better in 6 years, when I'm 41. But you never know, do you? 6 years from now, maybe she'll be married with kids, and I'll be with someone, and 6 years after that, they will leave me too.
I suppose, 6 years ago, when I was 29, if I'd known this might happen, nothing much actually would have changed. I knew if we ever parted ways, it would be her leaving me. I knew that April 30 (or before), or whatever the last day of April was in 2011.
Goodbye. I miss you. I hope you're okay. I'm not, but it hasn't even been two months yet, and I'm not pressuring myself to be okay. I also hope you're not reading this. But if you are, I love you very much, and please don't read this anymore, for both our sakes.
We knew each other before that, and before we even knew each other, she said she was "stalking" me on Livejournal and maybe elsewhere. (I liked that.)
I always wondered, if it hadn't been me, maybe it would have been some other internet person she fell in love with.
But, it's all gone now. I wonder if May 1 will always have meaning to me or if someday I won't think about it.
I don't know if it's because of the timing, because of our student who has passed away, or what, but this weekend has been really difficult for me. I think about her so much, miss her so much. Sometimes I think I'm getting better, but then I have to wonder.
I guess 6 years from now, it will have been 6 years since she left me. I'll be 41. 41. 6 years together, 6 years apart, 12 years total... that's what it will be, May 2023. And I'll be 41. In 2011 we fell in love, and I was 29.
I hope I can look back on now, on then, pat myself on the head metaphorically. I hope things are better in 6 years, when I'm 41. But you never know, do you? 6 years from now, maybe she'll be married with kids, and I'll be with someone, and 6 years after that, they will leave me too.
I suppose, 6 years ago, when I was 29, if I'd known this might happen, nothing much actually would have changed. I knew if we ever parted ways, it would be her leaving me. I knew that April 30 (or before), or whatever the last day of April was in 2011.
Goodbye. I miss you. I hope you're okay. I'm not, but it hasn't even been two months yet, and I'm not pressuring myself to be okay. I also hope you're not reading this. But if you are, I love you very much, and please don't read this anymore, for both our sakes.
(no subject)
Date: 2017-05-02 08:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-05-02 09:11 pm (UTC)